1998 Weekend to Palo Alto
*knock on the door of Ashley a junior from Orinda who I befriended on ICQ in 1997 when we met in a casual hook up group there. We had shared many an intimate phone call and photo with one another and now it was our first meeting*
Ashley (A) – TED? Wow what a surprise.
Ted (T) – Isn’t it though!
A – What brings you up here?
T – The Weekender! I figured I could crash at your apartment.
A – How did you find my apartment?
T- You gave me the address one night when we were having phone sex.
A – I did? I mean I did. And you wrote down the address?
T – Yes, I have very good hand eye coordination.
A – Wow. I mean great, you are here for The Weekender.
*voices in the background*
Sabrina (S) – Ash, who is at the door?
A – Nobody!
T – So can I stay with you this weekend I was thinking we could hang out and stuff.
A – Hang out and stuff? ooo that would be great, Ted. But you see we are in the middle of mid terms here and we are so busy and we wouldn’t have time to hang…
S – Ash who are you talking to…? *looking shocked*
T – You must be Sabrina, I am Ted Carroll! Ash, Ashley rather has told me so much about you!
S – Has she? Ash what did you say about me?
A – Ted was just stopping by on his way through town. I know Ted from Jewish Summer Camp when we were in junior high.
T – *confused but playing along* yeah Camp Yeshiva in Oakland *the first Northern California city to come to mind.
S – Ted, come on in and tell me what Ash said about me? I am curious?
T – Oh you that you are great roommate and have a cool boyfriend.
A – *about to cry*
S – So Ted where do you go to school?
T – USC, I am in town for the Weekender.
S – So you aren’t just passing through town?
T – No. I was hoping I could stay here.
**2 hours later after lots of silence and awkward conversation Ashley and Sabrina come back after they had a powwow in the kitchen*
A – So Ted, Sabrina and I were talking it over and it may not be the best thing if you stay here this weekend. We have plans.
T – *interrupting* What about your midterms I could help you study?
A – YES Midterms and I have tons of work to do this weekend.
**Sabrina walking into the room**
S – Ted, we don’t want you here. You are really creepy, kind of cute in a drunk at 2:45AM looking for the first guy to get me off kind of way. But we want you out. Ash told me in the kitchen about all the phone sex and weird shit you asked her to say to her, “Stick your fingers in my ears as you eat her out to shut up the voices?” really Ted? And all the weird shit you asked her to buy and insert into herself, the hooded spandex body suit with restraints, the baby Jesus Butt Plug? Nun-chucks? and rubber chicken? Look Ted even though she said she has never cum so hard in her life we are not comfortable with you here in our apartment, near campus, in Palo Alto or quite frankly having you North of Morro Bay. Bottom line, Ted is we want you to leave or we will call the police. You have five minutes.
**I walked out and slept in a public park that night**
Stanford what a cavalcade of closet cases.