Jorge B’s Yelping World Of Fail

So if you’re a business owner in San Diego, you probably suck. Just ask Jorge; he’ll tell you all about it with his timeless wit and well-crafted prose. Perhaps one day Southern California businesses will be able to aspire to his lofty expectations. Until then, your best bet is to run the other way when you see this bucket of yuck patronizing your shitty place of work.

Whisknladle / 1 Star

Yelp keeps taking down my reviews because they are “offensive” (I assume to the owner) so I’ll keep this simple.

The food here sucks, the chef cannot FUCKING cook.
The menu is confusing, you can’t tell if something is supposed to be tapas sized or a full meal.
There are lots of better options in the area so this should be avoided.

Lancers / 1 Star

Please find enclosed my most eloquent review to date:

Drinks are cheap but FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING FUCKS!

Thank you.

Gilly’s Bar / 1 Star

Have been here a few times and my impression of this bar is that about 50% of the patrons are going to be homeless in the next 5 years.  The other 49.5% are homeless now. There’s usually one cool person there (it’s you).

And fuck you for taking down my original review.

Florencia’s / 2 Stars

Hey assholes, learn how to make chicken wings.
Chicken wings are deep-fried, NOT FUCKING BAKED.
Plus, one time the delivery guy gave a dirty look to my friend cuz she was drunk. I guess she doesn’t have her life as together as Mr. 2 AM 40 year-old-pizza-delivery-guy.

San Diego Reader / 2 Stars

My favorite source of information on dick-enlarging and lab-rat employment offers. Sometimes the plastic surgery models are pretty enough to jerk-off to. Shouldn’t be missed.

7 Eleven / 2 Stars

They have boring slurpee flavors and their hot dogs are always old. The thing that really pisses me off about this 7-11 is that they let bums hang out outside, so every time I go there I get asked for change by some fucking insane drug addict.

Loving Hut / 1 Star

Why vegetarians and vegans suck:

1. They reduce eating to intake of calories, vitamins, fat, and cholesterol like we’re machines or something.

2. They think they’re stopping Global Warming when climate is much more complicated than these assholes realize.

3. They often get fat.

4. My friend says they smell funny and have leathery skin.

5. The consciously severely limit their diets, then get upset when a steak place doesn’t have enough salads on the menu.

Anyway, the service here is super slow and the food is extremely boring. They also try to indoctrinate you into following their cult-like worldview. Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zios / 1 Star

I drive by this place a lot so I finally decided to try it – big mistake.
This is possibly the worst restaurant that I have ever been to. The country of Italy should sue them for defamation of character.

Mistral / 1 Star

You know how people think it’s a good sign when they go into a Mexican restaurant and there are actual Mexican people eating there?
I figured out it doesn’t mean anything and it’s probably a mild form of racism – the same way saying that Chinese people are good at math or Jews are good lawyers is racist.
Because there was a table of French people next to me and the chef was French, but this food sucked. No shit, it was terrible.

Rhinoceros Cafe & Grill / 1 Star

You’d think that the octogenarian zillionaires who inhabit this island would have come across decent food at some time in their travels and would therefore burn this place down in whiskey and rye fueled rage sometime before nap-time, but you’d be wrong.
Locals actually keep this place in business!
Anyway, the food and service are both horrible.